I was trapped in town this last weekend rather than spend my time in Hope sampling my fermented booty from near and afar. There was good reason. I’d pledged to stay in town and attend my own company’s Christmas party on Friday night, then attend the La Bodega 2nd Anniversary Party at the Tap Root Café. Being an expert in budgeting my liver, I used the company Christmas party as a preloading venue and the Tap Root event as the capstone. It worked well. If you made the Tap Root gig, forgive me if I don’t remember. Photographic evidence reveals that I didn’t stray far and some rather incriminating photographic evidence reveals that I’d even consumed a tall-boy can of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer during the festivities, if that says anything to you.
Me n’ Ms. Fermento got there at about 7:30 and I immediately sequestered a beer. Pamela Hatzis, owner of La Bodega, was handing out Samuel Smith’s Winter Welcomeand, well, I felt welcomed. But it wasn’t enough. Ms. Fermento wanted to sit and bogarted a seat at a nearby table where a young military gent was sitting waiting for the remainder of his party to arrive. Come to find out, this guy had avenged the death of my son in law in Iraq by capturing the insurgent that planted the IED that led to his demise. I bought him a fitting beer: Spartan Warrior Imperial Stout by the Sleeping Lady Brewing Company. Somewhere along the line, his friends showed up and although I was on the cusp of ordering something different, the gal at his table was served a tall boy of PBR and that just seemed, well, fitting. It was in a red, white and blue can, after all, and although I can’t say I drank one out of patriotism, I guess I did it to calibrate my palate.
At one point, Pamela passed out cards and requested people to write down favorite beer experiences. The cards were later read in between the old-timey folk music provided by the band.
Here are the quotes from the 2nd Anniversary Party:
“Conquering nature is thirsty business. Jimmy & I rewarded ourselves by tossing back a few next to Eagle River. The river was icy cool but the drink a little warm so we decided to take a little dip. A poor decision. For sure but lucky for us we brought some Tabasco. A little teamwork and a lot of Cayenne soon had our underwear sufficiently dosed. The spice from below was invigorating and soon enough we were ready for another round.”
“Beer and Sauna Don’t Mix: Beware my friends on those cold winter nights when the cold malted beverage is a-flowin’ and the coals in your wood-fired sauna are a-glowin’. For when you have had too may frothy pints and your not-so-close-friends are reveling in the nights delights. Their inhibitions may be released and you find yourself amid sweaty old beasts. Then you know all too well, when it’s hot as hell and youre next to ay too may sweaty dicks that beer and sauna just don’t mix.”
“My friend Jason and I arrived in Munich the day after my 23rd birthday to celebrate Oktoberfest. We got to the tents at 11 pm. We each started with 100 Euros. When we woke up the next morning, we had no idea how much we had to drink; we just knew it was a lot. We also knew liters were 10 Euros and bratwurst were 2. We each had 26 Euros left.
3 hours
7 liters
2 bratwurst
Zero memories”
“I don’t usually drink beer, I rather have Tequila, scotch or wine. But the first time I got drunk with beer, I drank Keystone, got drunk, vomited and then made out with Mikey…who did not call me the next day. But we eventually ‘worked out’ the whole vomit kiss and got married.”
“Pamela was late. Actually, she was too late to attend the Great Northern Brewer’s Homebrew Club Christmas party, but that wasn’t her intention. She’d brought a cheesecake, but she had nothing to do with it, as late as she was. So, she stood in the street in front of Humpy’s giving it away. My friend Deb was a willing recipient. We got in the cab and Deb offered the cheesecake to the cabbie. Half way home, she offered some to the cabbie. She asked the Iranian cabbie if he ‘felt anything yet.’ Panicked, the cabbie, white-eyed in the mirror said ‘No!’. No worries, Deb said, ‘You will.’ He worried more until she explained: ‘It’s just a little bit of love.’”
“For Christmas, I received several different beers from Pamela. My favorite is Red Chimay. When I opened it, the bottle dipped out of my hand, hit the counter and fell into the dog water bowl. To this day, my dog Dingo will try to steal my Red Chimay.”
“I was working at the cannery in Homer, trying to save $$ for college – living in my car – going hungry, sitting in front of the Salty Dawg, wishing I could afford to go in. Cute young nursing student walks up and says ‘My nursing class needs to practice our IV starts so the college will give a free beer to anyone who volunteers.’ Boy, was I IN. I roll up my sleeve and let her try. She pulls out this HUGE needle, puts on the ru8bber band, makes me bleed and leaves a big bruise on me! ‘That’s okay, bartender, hook me up!’ Downed it, got back in line, let the second girl scar me. Beer #2! This went on ‘till I looked like a junkie but had enough beer. I didn’t care.”
I once had a karaoke party. I drank many martinis. The, my best friend and birthday twin Pamela, brought many beers (courtesy of La Bodega). They were delicious. A little party in my mouth. I learned how to truly appreciate beer – and from who better? My best friend. In the morning, while I laid on the bathroom floor, PRAYINGfor my own death, I cursed the wretched beer! And, at 3 pm, when I started to again feel humanh, I looked at all the beautiful beers and they looked back at me. And, I poured a delicious glass of La Fin Du Monde with my grilled cheese sandwich and stated the cycle (happily) all over again.”
Here’s what’s on tap at the gnarly ol’ Root this week:
Midnight Sun Brewing Co.
Sockeye Red IPA
Oosik Amber
Kodiak Brown
Imperial Chocolate Pumpkin Porter
Sleeping Lady Brewing
Scottish
Pale
Imperial Sparten Stout
Imperial wheat wine
Kassiks Brew Stop
Beavertail Blonde
Roughneck Stout
Imperial Spiced Honey Wheat
North Coast Brewing Old Stock Ale
Gulden Draak
Avery: Old Jubilation Ale
Glacier Brewhouse’s12 Days of Barleywine officially kicked off on Wednesday, December 10th featuring three of 37 formidable big beers that will showcase between now and December 21.
On Wednesday the 10th, the 2004 Big Woody Barleywine aged in steel (10.7 percent), the 2004 Big Woody Barleywine aged 1.5 years in Jim Beam Barrels (10.75 percent), and a cask conditioned selection were offered. On Thursday, December 11th; the 2005 Big Woody Barleywineaged 2.75 years in Jim Beam Barreels (10.75 percent), the 2008 Blueberry XXX (aka Blue Christmas), a 10 percent lambic and one of three cask conditions selections was offered. On Thursday the 11th, the 2005 Big Woody Barleywine aged 2.75 years in Jim Beam Barrels, the 2005 Raspberry XXX (10 percent) and a cask conditioned selection were offered. On Thursday, December 12th, the 2006 Big Woody Barleywine, a double barrel (aged 1.5 years in Jim Beam barrels and then one year in American oak wine barrels from the Silverado Winery…re-toasted to Glacier’s specifications…11.6 percent abv), the 2005 Raspberry XXX aged three years in Jim Beam Barrels (10.5 percent) and a cask conditioned selection were offered.
If this is just a teaser of the remaining 30+ beers that will be offered between now and December 21, it’s well worth the hassle of getting over there every day to sample each beer. Parking should be somewhat more available, although you’ll undoubtedly be competing with holiday shoppers, especially after work. Hey, it’s worth it, so get in there and get your fill. If you make all 12 days and drink all beers; let me know. This is a highly honorary distinction in my book; I’ve only been able to pull it off once.
This is just a reminder that Celestial Meadsis having another open house just in time for you to stock up on lively, lovely, colorful and delicious meads just before Christmas. According to Meadmaster Mike Kiker:
“Celestial Meads is having an Open House to celebrate the Winter Solstice on Saturday, December 20thfrom Noon-5:00p. As usual, there is no charge for this event and there will be at least a dozen meads to sample along with quality cheeses, crackers, fruit and smoked salmon. As per the US Naval Observatory, the Winter Solstice occurs in Alaska at 3:04A Sunday, December 21st, so we’re a few hours early, but don’t let that stop you. This will be your last opportunity to purchase mead at the meadery before Christmas, and it will be the last meadery opening until January 10th 2009. Don’t forget your growlers for Sparkling Razzery Cyser. Come help us celebrate the return of the light, a very important event in the Far North!”
Two new beers are in from one of my favorite Colorado breweries, Left Hand Brewing Companyof Longmont. Look for Warrior IPA, one of the brewery’s seasonal offerings, which features fresh “wet” hops delivered directly from Yakima, Washington, straight from the vine. By “straight from the vine,” I mean the hops take a short cut around the oast house, which means they are not dried in the kiln. This hugely expensive process (dry hops are lighter and more stable than flowered cones from the vine) yields a beer that’s incredibly robust in hop flavor and aroma, but not necessarily bitterness, although being an IPA, you can expect some degree of puckering from the result. Warrior hops are used, hence the name, but Left Hand has this knack of bumping the malt content in the beer to achieve the perfect overall hop/malt balance. At 6.5 percent alcohol, it’s not a huge beer, and the malt/hop combination hides the booze really well.
The other new Left Hand entrant is Snowbound, a spiced, strong ale (8.6 percent alcohol) is a brown/red ale with a Munich, crystal and chocolate malt foundation, a light amount of Magnum and Czech Saaz hop to compliment and zesty chopped ginger, orange, cinnamon, cloves and honey for added character. They get winter in Colorado just like we do, so this one should appeal to the winter seasonal fans in the bunch.
Look for these two new beers among other Left Hand noteworthy beers ( think Jackman’s APA, a current Fermento Favorite) at your favorite grog shop in town.
As an anecdotal aside a friend of Ms. Fermento’s forwarded me the following “Beer Me Diet.” I don’t need to diet at all, but this makes perfect sense to me:
The “Beer-Me” Diet
It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked through the ages: the “Beer-Me” diet.
Personally, I have a “liquid dinner” every time I go to the club on Friday night!
* Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all
water, and the part that isn’t water is almost pure carbohydrates.
* Fact: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of
1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the “Beer-Me” diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
* Fact: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water
to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
* Fact: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you
aren’t necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience the occasional “How did I get here?” when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
* Fact: The “Beer-Me” diet is good for your heart. After just one
day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
* Fact: On the “Beer-Me” diet you can eat anything you want. The
only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the day’s required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the “lean-over-and-hurl” stomach crunches.
* Fact: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of
exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
* Fact: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.
Based on these facts, let’s run through a given scenario for diet implementation.
Caution: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the staunchest of dieters.
* Monday through Thursday: Eat junk food, and basically be a slob.
* Friday: Feeling “huge,” swing by the liquor store and stock up.
Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
* Saturday: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day,
feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from the 7 Eleven). Take aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
* Saturday (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has
still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with “the dog t 364 hat bit you.” This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don’t feel hungry.
* Sunday (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very
convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is some major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day-you don’t want to peak too soon.
Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time. Don’t forget the aspirin.
* Monday: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and
surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.
Here’s the Humpy’s Great Alaskan Alehouse draft list for this week. If you can’t figure it out from the list below, I think Christoff’s been down pawing around in Billy’s top secret stash in his “Cage O’ Delights”. Note the vertical Midnight Sun Brewing Company Obliteration line up, the vertical Deschutes Brewing Company Abyss (2006 and this year’s batch) and amazingly, a 2001 Anchor Brewing Company Our Special Ale.
Wheats / Fruits
(Local) Kassik’s Imperial Spiced Honey Wheat # (9%)
(Local) Moose’s Tooth Wild Country Raspberry Wheat
Pyramid Apricot
Pyramid Hefeweizen
(Local) Sleeping Lady Chocolate Cherry Wheat (on Nitro)
Widmer Hefeweisen
Lindemans Framboise ###
Golden Ales / Pilseners / California Common
(Local) Kassik’s Brew Stop Beaver Tail Blonde
(Local) Midnight Sun Gold Strike Kolsch Spaten Pilsner Lager **
Pale Ales / E.S.B.’s (medium hop bitterness)
(Local) Alaskan Pale Ale
Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale * (Cask Condtioned)
Left Hand Jackman’s American Pale Ale
(Local) Moose’s Tooth Polar Pale Ale
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
Alaskan E.S.B.
India Pale Ales (med - high hop bitterness)
Full Sail Prodigal Sun I.P.A. (80 IBU)
(Local) Humpy’s Sockeye Red by Midnight Sun (70 IBU)
(Local) Midnight Sun Cohoho Imperial IPA # (8%) (85 IBU)
(Local) Moose’s Tooth Fairweather I.P.A. (64 IBU)
Redhook Long Hammer I.P.A. (38.5 IBU)
Stone’s Double Bastard # (7.2%) (Unlisted IBU)
Midnight Sun Obliteration Vertical
(Local) Midnight Sun Obliteration II # (8.3%) (100 IBU)
(Local) Midnight Sun Obliteration III # (7.6%) (87 IBU)
(Local) Midnight Sun Obliteration IV # (8.7%) (100 IBU)
Belgian Ales
(Local) Alaskan Witbier White Wheat Ale
Blue Moon Belgian White Wheat Ale
Ommegang Grand Cru Flemish Sour Red Ale ###
St. Bernardus Grotton Brown ###
Stella Artois **
Strong Belgian Ales (Alcohol by Volume over 7.5%)
Chimay Cing Cents Triple ##### (8%)
Delirium Tremens #### (8.5%)
Piraat Belgian IPA/Triple Ale ### (10.5%)
Unibroue Maudite ## (8%)
Harvest Ales 
Ayinger Oktiberfest #
Elysian Night Owl Pumpkin Ale
Brown Ales
(Local) Midnight Sun Kodiak Brown Ale
Newcastle Brown Ale **
Amber Ales / Bocks / Dopplebocks / Scottish
(Local) Alaskan Amber Ale
(Local) Midnight Sun Oosik Amber
North Coast Seal Amber Ale
(Local) Kenai Skilak Scottish
Mac Tarnahan’s Scottish Ale by Portland Brewing
Porters / Stouts
(Local) Alaskan Baltic Porter # 2008 ed (9.8%)
Deschutes Black Butte Porter
(Local) Silver Gulch Pick Axe Porter
(Local) Alaskan Oatmeal Stout
Deschutes Abyss Imperial Stout # 2006 ed
Deschutes Abyss Imperial Stout # (11%)
Guinness Stout *** (on Nitro)
Barley Wines
Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barley Wine # (9.6 %)
Seasonal
(Local) Alaskan Winter Ale
Anchor Steam Our Special 2001 ed
Avery Old Jubilation Ale # (8%)
Widmer Brrr
The views expressed on the Dr. Fermento blog site are not necessarily those of the drunks he associates with, but rather the exclusive byproduct of his self-inflicted liver degradation and delusional inebriate lifestyle
Dr Fermento Beer Calendar
12/20/08 Celestial Meads Solstice Open House at the Meadery Noon – 5 pm Free
01/28/09 SubZero Microlounge Celestial Meads Dinner (Asian/Indian Fusion Cuisine) TBD TBD
02/22/09 Café Amsterdam BJCP Exam 10 am TBD
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